she woke up with a sticky ear
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
