i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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