these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
