i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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