I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
