She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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