Don't you send me to vm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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