Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
