like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
