i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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