the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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