this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
