Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
