Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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