She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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