I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
