Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
