He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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