somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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