My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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