Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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