one two three fourrrrnication!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
