I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
