"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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