remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize