i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
