3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
