I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
