I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
