so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
