So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
