So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
