You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
