I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize