i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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