So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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