I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
