I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize