he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
please don't ironically join a cult
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