I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize