I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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