I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
