I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
