She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dicks are not precious.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
