butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
