I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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