glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
