If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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