she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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