Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
