Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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