By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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