I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He kissed a someone with a penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
