u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
