last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
