Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
