i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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