I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
