you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
