The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
