All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
