I want to have your abortion
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
