I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Houston, we have a blender
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
